Choose love
I will choose love. Over and over and over again. Even if it seems to hurt. Even if I don’t understand why. Even if there are a million reasons not to. I will choose love. Over and over again
Your word
What does your word really mean?
Do you stand by your word? Is it your promise, your bond to follow through and commit, or is it just a fleeting moment of meaningless thought process?
Our words carry weight. They carry the energy of our creation and our sense of self. Who you are is, in part, created by the words you speak into existence and what they mean to you in relation to your actions.
Do your words match your actions? Do your thoughts match your words? If any of these are out of integrity, you will feel the upset in your body, and the response of the people around you.
You create with your words. Using language like “always” and “never”, “good” and “bad”, sets an energetic connection in motion. “Fuck my life” is a popular phrase that makes me want to curl up and cry – why would you want to create the energy of wanting to fuck your life?! Your life is a beautiful gift, even if you’re experiencing temporary moments of suffering.
Choose your words wisely. Please
Too much
Following on from my last post, I got told today that I was too much, too intense and required too much effort to be friends with. I nearly gave the guy a big F you but what I actually did was thank him for his honesty, leave, and cry on my friend’s shoulder.
I cried because sometimes, when someone inadvertently stabs at a wound, we question whether we should hold our head up high and be exactly who we are, no apologies….or look deep within ourselves to see if we’re triggered because they’re right, and we really are what they say.
I cried because I have been told many times, in many ways, that I am too much.
And then I cried because I realised that I had handled the situation less than gracefully, and less than I might have wanted.
Instead of being true to myself and speaking out about how I was feeling, I shrunk away and became uncomfortable in my own skin. I made myself small to make someone else feel more comfortable, and in the process, they felt my energy and determined I was too much effort to be friends with.
Being anything less than 100% yourself is a lose lose situation. It makes others just as uncomfortable as you are.
I learned such a valuable lesson today. I learned that, even though I knew it already, I could no longer suffocate myself for the sake of someone else. It just suffocates all of us.
I am a lot. I am intense with a big presence and I talk a lot about feelings and sometimes I get triggered and uncomfortable and it’s ok if that’s too much for some, but from now on, I will respect the other as well as myself by honouring myself, and letting them go the moment we feel it
Being seen
There is something sacred in being truly seen by another human soul. Having someone seemingly outside of you see your whole as so much more than the sum of your parts, and actually accept you, as you are, as whole and complete, without judgement or an attempt to change you, is the most incredible gift anyone has ever given me.
I hope that I have done the same for others, whether through counselling or romantic relationships, friendships, family, or people I’ve met seemingly randomly.
We all have an opportunity to extend peace and acceptance to someone else, and in doing so, we will be able to receive more peace and acceptance for ourselves.
P.s. I miss Sri Lanka, where I learned the most how to share my soul with others…and sit in the peacefulness of being seen
Honesty
What does it look like, to be honest, to be truly in integrity with your heart, in that space where there is no discrepancy between your heart, thoughts, words and actions? Does it feel better? Is there more freedom in that truth? For sure there will be lessons in discernment, when to speak and when to act, when to pause and examine the contents of your heart, in the times you feel less than peaceful, and want to use your words as weapons to share the magnitude of your pain. But yes, in truth you will find freedom. You will find a love and gratitude that will surpass the thoughts of judgement and separation. For in honesty, we find connection, we find what it looks like when we see ourselves in another, and recognise love instead of seeing fear. I can tell you I’m good, and it’s true, but I can also share that I have moments when tears and grief flow from me like a never ending river, and I wonder how so much pain can be stored in one body. When I say I’m good, I mean all is well. I mean I know what love feels like and I know pain, and I’m choosing love
Moments
So she held that moment, and looked for whatever was within it that would make her kinder and more loving, and took that with her as she moved forward into a new moment.
And she realised that it was so much easier to love unconditionally when she knew the connection was temporary, before all the usual hopes and fears and expectations had chance to infuse themselves into it and make it a false version of it’s true self. For where there is no truth, there is no reality, and isn’t that all she was really looking for? A few moments of authenticity, realness, connection: true unconditional, unencumbered love with another human being?
What would it look like if every connection was like that? Taken for exactly what is was and nothing more – an opportunity to be seen, and to love, and be loved, just for a moment, without any expectations or judgments or opinions. No right or wrong, good or bad….just you and me, in the here and now…. P.S. to those who gift others tokens to remember those moments, thank you x