Love is not earned

Love is not earned

Love is not earned. It is not something you ‘deserve’ if you meet certain conditions set down by others or society. Conditional love is an oxymoron. If it’s conditional, it’s not love. It’s coercive control.We often think of this in terms...
Shame and Transparency

Shame and Transparency

There’s a concept in A Course in Miracles called ‘no private thoughts’. As it suggests, it speaks to the idea that instead of trying to hold thoughts in our private brain somewhere and keep them secret (normally for fear of being judged somehow), we...

What I’m learning about love

What I’m learning about love…We think that if we love too much, we will somehow run out.We’ve all had the experience of loving someone or something so much, that when we don’t get back what we expected, wanted or thought we deserved, we feel...
Teach only love

Teach only love

I had this quote printed and framed to hang in my kitchen. It means I get to read it many times a day.I’m also getting plenty of opportunities to learn what it means and practice it.For those who don’t know, I’m currently in a year long ministerial...
Being supportive

Being supportive

I often talk to clients about the difference between enabling and supporting loved ones. I’ve had to learn this lesson myself, many times.We cannot take responsibility for anyone other than ourselves. We must learn to trust the ones we love to do what is best...
It takes a village

It takes a village

I’ve counselled enough immigrant parents over the years to have learned that the phrase ‘it takes a village’ could not be more accurate.I moved to Portugal to find my own village. Despite being very happy in splendid isolation in the middle of the...