by Emma | Jan 14, 2020 | Blog, Heart Words, Relationships
She reached out her hand. Not sure if he would understand, not sure if she would be accepted, not sure if he knew what she wanted, but she offered it nonetheless. All the conversations had been had. She just offered this, herself, a connection, a bridge between two people. A hope for some sort of silent recognition. This, yes this, was all that was needed. He didn’t need to fix anything, or change something, or find the right words to say. He just needed to take her hand, and let her know he understood.
To those of us who have often taken up the role of the Fixer, or the Rescuer, know this: your loved one isn’t sharing their pain so you can be a hero. They’re not sharing it because they need you to take away their pain. They’re sharing because it feels lighter when someone sees them, when someone acknowledges, Yes. I know this hurts for you. I’m sorry you’re hurting. What can I do?
When you forget to ask what you can do, and sit with your own need to rescue, instead of recognising their need to be seen and heard, to have someone tell them it’s OK to feel how they feel, what they hear is this: “You’re feelings are bad. I can’t handle you being sad. It makes me too uncomfortable so you have to stop. I feel impotent unless I have an active role, so I’m going to follow my own agenda to do what I think I need to do to fix this. It doesn’t matter what you need. My needs are the most important. I’m not listening to you.” I know you don’t mean this, but this is what they hear. You don’t need to rescue or be a hero, you need to give her what she’s missing – compassion, and an allowance to take up space, however she feels. Give her back the control she feels she has lost in the midst of her pain.
If this resonates, or you want to understand more about how this all looks in practice, let’s chat about how we can work together – I offer 121 coaching online and am taking on new clients now
by Emma | Jan 13, 2020 | Blog, Heart Words
Because it came down to this….where did she feel light? Where was the fun? What happened when she let go of her expectations and need to control, and instead treated life as the game it was – her own playground full of experiments and things to learn from.
It didn’t have to be as serious as she’d once thought. She didn’t have to have all the answers before she’d even figured out the questions. She could play. She could play on the edges of her comfort zone and see what landed, and what wasn’t for her. No Big Deal. If something didn’t fit, or wasn’t aligned, or she made a mis-take, she could take what she’d learned and course-correct. It was her choice to create drama or ill-feeling, or instead choose the lighter option. Life was her playground. Nothing was irreversible. Everything could be decided on the lightness of the feeling it gave her. She was the master of her fate.
How would it change things if you started treating life as a playground with a series of experiments to see what you liked and what you didn’t? Instead of coming up with all the reasons why that isn’t practical, why not do your own experiment and try it for a bit? 📸 Tilly c. 2015
by Emma | Dec 19, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words, Spirituality
Sometimes she felt so guilty for feeling so overwhelmed because of the choices afforded to her. She could do anything, which she believed was the same for everyone, but she also BELIEVED she could do anything, so those choices became more tangible for her than perhaps those around her.
And yet, in the freedom of choice, sometimes came the overwhelming fear of making the RIGHT choice.
Sometimes she would stay stuck rather than make a decision, because she didn’t know where to start, and so, eventually, some of the options would be removed and she could make a smaller choice, often the decision to not make a decision, and choose to stay as she was.
This is not how she wanted to use her free will, her power of manifestation and her intuitive guidance. It felt like a waste, especially in the face of those who didn’t feel they had the same opportunities.
And so she took a deep breath, tuned in, put her trust in her own intuition and took responsibility for her freedom. It took courage to listen to her heart and feel what was right, but it felt lighter, and freer when she did, even if she didn’t know how she was going to make it happen.
That taking responsibility, coupled with having faith in being guided to what was best for her, ensured she was always able to move forward, and be grateful for her ability to manifest her dreams
by Emma | Dec 9, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words, Self-Worth, Spirituality
She didn’t believe for a second that life was always going to be easy, but what she had realised, was that, through any pain, there were two opportunities: she could stay bitter and resentful for as long as she needed, and fight the accepting of what is, or, she could grieve her loss, feel her pain, and ask how she could grow from this, and find meaning in the pain for herself.
Because isn’t this what makes the pain so much worse? The senselessness of it? Or the internal conflict that comes from wanting something to be different from that which it is? If we were able to sit with the pain, know it without wishing it was something else, and knowing that it would make sense in the future, and that some growth and meaning would come from it, wouldn’t that make the pain more manageable?
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Photo credit: @loveluella photography
by Emma | Dec 7, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words, Relationships, Self-Worth, Spirituality
She had spent so long trying to find her place, and figure out ‘where’ she fitted in, before she realised that there was no ‘place’ she fitted into. There wasn’t a particular space that could contain her, because the space was a part of her. She had been looking at it backward the whole time, and thinking there was somewhere she could find ‘out there’ or someone, who would make her feel safe, somewhere she felt safe to be herself, when, in reality, she had to do that for herself.
And so, she asked herself each morning:
What can I do today to bring more peace, and love, into my life, and the lives of those around me?
Do the things have planned bring me closer, or further away from who I want to be, and what I want to do?
How can I embody love, and release the blocks to it’s constant presence in me?
by Emma | Dec 6, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words, Relationships
This is the moment. Right now. After all the things, and before all the things. Now.
Take me on a journey with you, just for a moment. Let me look into your eyes and know you. Let me know you without all the lies you tell yourself, and all the lies you tell the world about yourself. Let me know you as who you are: pure, true, peaceful, loving, kind….still.
No matter what has happened, these are your qualities. These are in you. They are in all of us. I see them. Let go of whatever is stopping you from seeing them too.
P.s. I miss Tilly! She’s been living it up in Wales whilst I’ve been in Portugal but I get to see her in just over a week
