by Emma | Nov 21, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words, Relationships
She was so tired of her own mind creating problems. So tired of making meaning of things, and holding onto judgements so she could remain frustrated and annoyed with others and the environment. What good did it do her? Was it helpful for her to continue to hold so tightly to her righteous indignation of the arbitrary concepts of right and wrong?
And of course, the answer was no. So what was she to do, with the judgements and the opinions and the righteous indignation, except let them go?
To be in the moment, in breathing out without the heaviness of holding on to something which caused her only pain, she felt peace. In the release of the contraction, there was the space she’d been trying to create through force and pushing and the changing of things that are, how they are.
In the space, she realised the peace was there all along, and felt grateful for the annoyance that allowed her to find it
by Emma | Nov 20, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words, Self-Worth
She was not alone in her wandering. She wandered, sometimes with purpose, sometimes without, but no longer alone.
She had found within herself an inner strength, a reserve she didn’t know was there, a sense of integrity that was raw and often triggering for those around her. And yet, in this integrity, in this honesty of knowing who she was, in the sharing of all of herself, even when she most feared she would be laughed at, she found comfort, strength and solace.
In this honesty, she also found the people with whom she felt at home, those who chose to love her because of everything she was, those who cherished the moments when she was raw and vulnerable, and honoured the courage it took to share so much of herself.
So, even when the way was unclear, and in the wandering she still sometimes found herself looking for home in a place or a person, she could remind herself of the home within her, of the peace that came from being honest with herself. That was enough
by Emma | Oct 23, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words, Relationships
I will choose love. Over and over and over again. Even if it seems to hurt. Even if I don’t understand why. Even if there are a million reasons not to. I will choose love. Over and over again
by Emma | Oct 23, 2019 | Blog, Confidence, Heart Words
For all those moving through feelings of anxiety, or those who have loved ones who are…. “And this is the place….the place I hate….where my throat tightens and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and sometimes it’s hard to breathe…. And I thought I was over this. Every time it happens I think I’m over it, and then it happens again. Over nothing. Old triggers. Boring wounds. The same shit.
I’m bored of myself. I don’t want this anymore. This isn’t protection. It’s poverty. It’s taking away from my life and making me forget how far I’ve come.
I am not this. I am not a feeling. I am not anxiety. I am peace. I am love. I choose love. I choose to be wrong. I don’t need to be right or feel justified in this. I can let it go. I can choose again. I do choose again
by Emma | Oct 4, 2019 | Blog, Heart Words
Positivity is not an inherently good or bad thing. Please stop thinking that you can’t acknowledge when you feel sad, or angry, or betrayed, or any other so called ‘negative’ emotion. It is impossible to negate anything. Denying something’s existence doesn’t make it disappear, it proves it’s there because otherwise there would be nothing to deny.
I’d much rather have a conversation with someone and feel the true depths of their emotion and realness, have them cry and shout and own their rage….than have some fake-ass conversation about how great their life is and how there’s always a silver lining. Yes, we can learn from our experiences and find joy in life, but only after we accept what our current experience is and honour it as part of the journey
by Emma | Sep 29, 2019 | Blog, Confidence, Heart Words, Relationships, Self-Worth
Following on from my last post, I got told today that I was too much, too intense and required too much effort to be friends with. I nearly gave the guy a big F you but what I actually did was thank him for his honesty, leave, and cry on my friend’s shoulder.
I cried because sometimes, when someone inadvertently stabs at a wound, we question whether we should hold our head up high and be exactly who we are, no apologies….or look deep within ourselves to see if we’re triggered because they’re right, and we really are what they say.
I cried because I have been told many times, in many ways, that I am too much.
And then I cried because I realised that I had handled the situation less than gracefully, and less than I might have wanted.
Instead of being true to myself and speaking out about how I was feeling, I shrunk away and became uncomfortable in my own skin. I made myself small to make someone else feel more comfortable, and in the process, they felt my energy and determined I was too much effort to be friends with.
Being anything less than 100% yourself is a lose lose situation. It makes others just as uncomfortable as you are.
I learned such a valuable lesson today. I learned that, even though I knew it already, I could no longer suffocate myself for the sake of someone else. It just suffocates all of us.
I am a lot. I am intense with a big presence and I talk a lot about feelings and sometimes I get triggered and uncomfortable and it’s ok if that’s too much for some, but from now on, I will respect the other as well as myself by honouring myself, and letting them go the moment we feel it
