Conversation and Connection
Here’s the thing: I crave real conversation. I want connection. I want to talk about real stuff: not just the surface level bullshit and the “just think happy thoughts and everything will be fine” crap.
And just like that, it’s all over
And just like that, it’s all over. Something breaks inside your heart and you realise, you’ve chosen.
Control
And in that moment, you realise, you never had control in the first place, and all the effort that went into trying and thinking you did … was wasted, and could have been far better spent in the “BEingness” of the experience.
Sometimes it’s not black and white
Sometimes it’s not black and white. Sometimes it’s all kinds of fucked up grey. Sometimes you want to draw a clear line…if only you could figure out what line you want to draw, and what side you want to be on.
The journey
These days there are moments when my heart physically aches from trying to open itself up.
There are moments when the struggle seems oh-so-very real and I’m triggered over and over again.
There are moments when I soften and allow myself to receive the love from others I so tentatively attempt to give myself.
There are moments when I think I’ve got it, and moments when I realise there are still lifetimes of integration to go.
Being triggered
Today I wrote two messages to people who have really triggered me this week. I wrote to them and thanked them for showing up the way they have in my life, because I know (now) what a gift it is and how being triggered by them showed me what I needed to let go of, and what I needed to integrate fully into my life.