The blog
thoughts from me to you
Perception
She didn’t believe for a second that life was always going to be easy, but what she had realised, was that, through any pain, there were two opportunities: she could stay bitter and resentful for as long as she needed, and fight the accepting of what is, or, she could grieve her loss, feel her pain, and ask how she could grow from this, and find meaning in the pain for herself.
Because isn’t this what makes the pain so much worse? The senselessness of it? Or the internal conflict that comes from wanting something to be different from that which it is? If we were able to sit with the pain, know it without wishing it was something else, and knowing that it would make sense in the future, and that some growth and meaning would come from it, wouldn’t that make the pain more manageable?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Photo credit: @loveluella photography
The art of ‘Shoulding’ on yourself
I felt as though I *should* write today, then scolded myself for ‘shoulding’ on myself. So I just begun this whole pain cycle of having a belief contradict what felt in alignment for me (I should be writing but I don’t feel inspired to), then, to add some salt to the little scratch of inner conflict, I decided to beat myself up for it….just to make sure I really opened the wound and kept my belief in separateness good and strong.
We are all the parts. They all make up ‘us’. We encompass everything. The strong and the weak, good and bad. The moment we create a belief around who we should be, or how the world should be, is the moment we reject the other aspects of that continuum, and create inner conflict that shows up as low self esteem, depression, anxiety and self sabotaging behaviours like addiction.
The moment we can identify the pattern, and call it out, is the moment we can choose to stay present: to notice the uncomfortableness of having an ego need go unmet, and choose how to proceed, with consciousness and a respect for our own integrity.
INTRGRITY: “the state of being whole and undivided.” And in working through this conflict, I realise the irony in that I became inspired to write!
P.S. if you would love to start accepting and loving yourself and letting go of any of the things I mention above, please click the link in my bio and let’s work together
Fitting in
She had spent so long trying to find her place, and figure out ‘where’ she fitted in, before she realised that there was no ‘place’ she fitted into. There wasn’t a particular space that could contain her, because the space was a part of her. She had been looking at it backward the whole time, and thinking there was somewhere she could find ‘out there’ or someone, who would make her feel safe, somewhere she felt safe to be herself, when, in reality, she had to do that for herself.
And so, she asked herself each morning:
What can I do today to bring more peace, and love, into my life, and the lives of those around me?
Do the things have planned bring me closer, or further away from who I want to be, and what I want to do?
How can I embody love, and release the blocks to it’s constant presence in me?
Let me know you
This is the moment. Right now. After all the things, and before all the things. Now.
Take me on a journey with you, just for a moment. Let me look into your eyes and know you. Let me know you without all the lies you tell yourself, and all the lies you tell the world about yourself. Let me know you as who you are: pure, true, peaceful, loving, kind….still.
No matter what has happened, these are your qualities. These are in you. They are in all of us. I see them. Let go of whatever is stopping you from seeing them too.
P.s. I miss Tilly! She’s been living it up in Wales whilst I’ve been in Portugal but I get to see her in just over a week
How to help
There was something, aside from the practical help people offered, that felt just as precious: the being there, the allowing of her, and all her feelings, to just be, and be held.
To be allowed to cry, or feel in whatever way she needed, and not be told that everything was going to be ok, or given the best options for how to not feel that way anymore, this was precious.
For how often is it, we meet people who are comfortable enough with themselves to sit with our uncomfortableness, and give it space, without trying to stop it or change it into some more manageable for them?
If you have a friend in need, listen to them. Ask them what they need. Let them cry. Don’t tell them it’ll be ok or to dry their eyes or try to fix things. Tell them you’re there for them. Ask them what they’d like, and listen to the answer.
P.s. I’m ALL GOOD, I just felt like sharing this today
Choosing better
Sometimes the pebbles feel like boulders, and the smallest splinters light a fire in you that transforms the smallest, most insignificant thing into a monster inside you. Turning you into a monster.
That is why there are no insignificant things. That’s why all feelings are valid, and why, if we allow ourselves to feel and honour them, we can give ourselves the space to ask, is there more information here? Is there another perspective that would feel more peaceful to me? Do I have to feel this way?
Here’s an invitation to be more curious today 💕
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Photo credit: @tom.pelgrom
Stories
She looked back, and looked forward, and realised, once again, that she, and only she, created the narrative of her life.
She could write herself as a victim, a heroine, a lost soul, success, failure, or any other polarity.
She could also reinterpret the past how she chose, and leave the future a blank page. She did not have to be who she wrote herself to be, if she now felt differently.
She could reinvent herself, and rewrite her story as many times as she wanted. All that was required was to challenge the narrative.
What stories are you telling yourself about who you are, what you did, what happened and why? What’s truth, and what’s perception, judgement and interpretation?
Movement
Maybe she didn’t have to label herself with an arbitary list of personality traits. Maybe she didn’t have to figure out who she was with the rigidity of not being able to change in the future. Maybe she was all of the things, all of the traits, all of the archetypes. Maybe she was capable of anything – the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’. Maybe if she let in the flexibility of flow and change, of honouring herself, her feelings and her response to the environment, she could hold herself with integrity, instead of creating conflict within herself.
Forcing behaviours, thoughts and feelings, because of internal ‘shoulds’ creeping up from lessons learned from past experiences, wise Gurus, parents and society at large, instead of allowing herself to honour what was present for her at the time, what felt true in this moment….did not feel good anymore. It did not feel like she was being a ‘strong independent woman’, or that she was ‘honouring her devine feminine’. It felt like she was fighting against herself, and it was tiring.
So, perhaps there was another way. Perhaps she could identify with all the things, as and when it felt right to. Perhaps knowing herself just meant being in integrity with herself. Being honest. Matching what she felt inside to what she chose to show the world. Maybe that was what being authentic meant. Maybe that way, she wouldn’t feel constantly in the wrong, doing the wrong thing, or doing the ‘right’ thing and wondering why it felt so bad. Maybe this was the answer.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Photo credit: @loveluella photography
Boundaries
Perhaps, she realised, it wasn’t about the boundaries that everyone kept going on about, it was about knowing within herself who she was and what she wanted. Maybe, when she knew who she was and what she needed, wanted and desired, it would be easier to ask for those things, instead of expecting others to magically figure it out or demanding them agressively so they felt attacked.
Perhaps, when you opened up, others felt safer to open up too.
Perhaps, when you took responsibility for how you felt, rather than telling someone else they were wrong, it gave space for constructive discussion, rather than defensiveness and distance.
Perhaps, by learning about her own triggers, and healing them, she was able to better show up in the relationship, instead of placing blame or staying in victim mode.
Perhaps, it wasn’t about being too much, it was about showing up as herself, and seeing who came to the table to meet her