As my dad yelled down the phone at me from the other side of Europe, screaming that this was to be the biggest mistake I would ever make, I withdrew from his energy and focused instead on the knowing voice inside my head that told me everything would be OK.
That was the first time I ever felt like I was in control of my own life. I was 26 years old.
I was living in Italy at the time, as part of my work with my parents’ company but, after they had screwed me around and gone back on an agreement as to how long I was supposed to be there, simply because I was their daughter and therefore it was OK to break contracts, I’d reached my limit and decided I had to become the master of my own destiny.
I was feeling confident about a job in London as a Reception Manager. I’d not done anything like that before but they seemed to like me and I figured I could win them over and do a good job but I was still s*&t scared about actually leaving the security of my parents’ business in the middle of a recession to move to one of the most expensive cities in the UK. My dad had a point.
Weirdly, it was my dad screaming at me that it was all a mistake that sealed the deal for me to go. For some reason, during that conversation, instead of doing my usual thing and getting involved and shouting back, defending myself and my actions, something took me away from the conversation and allowed me to look at it from an objective perspective.
My dad was scared too. Maybe even more scared than me. He’d built his business so I’d always have a secure job. He didn’t know London, and Liverpool was being hit really hard with the recession. Every other person had been laid off. He couldn’t understand why I’d take the risk and move away from where he could protect me, and he reacted in the only way he knew how – he tried to scare me too.
I’m not sure what happened on that call, but seeing how scared he was so objectively, allowed me to step away from my own fear and forgive him completely. I was just on my journey and he was on his.
Why am I telling you this? Because nothing that’s been done can’t be undone or forgiven.
Sometimes there is no going back. Sometimes things are said that you can’t take back, or things are said or done to you that can’t be taken back. But those moments have passed. They pass in the blink of an eye, and the only thing left to do is to move forward.
No matter where the other person is, you need to get yourself in to a space of healing. I’m not suggesting it’s easy to forgive, and I’m definitely not suggesting you ignore your pain, but it is important to acknowledge what’s going on and consciously work through it.
What another person is going through is not your concern, until your own house is in order. Know and understand yourself, then you’ll be in a position to mend broken bridges.
I wish I had the answers for everyone but unfortunately I don’t. I can tell you that if you’ve been blocking out your feelings, I may well be able to help you move past that and into a place of knowing and understanding yourself, and would encourage you to schedule a free chat with me.
Otherwise, hold a mirror up to yourself and check out what you’ve been hiding from. The only way to happiness is through acceptance of the past and a vision of love for the future.