by Emma | Oct 22, 2019
What does your word really mean?
Do you stand by your word? Is it your promise, your bond to follow through and commit, or is it just a fleeting moment of meaningless thought process?
Our words carry weight. They carry the energy of our creation and our sense of self. Who you are is, in part, created by the words you speak into existence and what they mean to you in relation to your actions.
Do your words match your actions? Do your thoughts match your words? If any of these are out of integrity, you will feel the upset in your body, and the response of the people around you.
You create with your words. Using language like “always” and “never”, “good” and “bad”, sets an energetic connection in motion. “Fuck my life” is a popular phrase that makes me want to curl up and cry – why would you want to create the energy of wanting to fuck your life?! Your life is a beautiful gift, even if you’re experiencing temporary moments of suffering.
Choose your words wisely. Please
by Emma | Sep 29, 2019
Following on from my last post, I got told today that I was too much, too intense and required too much effort to be friends with. I nearly gave the guy a big F you but what I actually did was thank him for his honesty, leave, and cry on my friend’s shoulder.
I cried because sometimes, when someone inadvertently stabs at a wound, we question whether we should hold our head up high and be exactly who we are, no apologies….or look deep within ourselves to see if we’re triggered because they’re right, and we really are what they say.
I cried because I have been told many times, in many ways, that I am too much.
And then I cried because I realised that I had handled the situation less than gracefully, and less than I might have wanted.
Instead of being true to myself and speaking out about how I was feeling, I shrunk away and became uncomfortable in my own skin. I made myself small to make someone else feel more comfortable, and in the process, they felt my energy and determined I was too much effort to be friends with.
Being anything less than 100% yourself is a lose lose situation. It makes others just as uncomfortable as you are.
I learned such a valuable lesson today. I learned that, even though I knew it already, I could no longer suffocate myself for the sake of someone else. It just suffocates all of us.
I am a lot. I am intense with a big presence and I talk a lot about feelings and sometimes I get triggered and uncomfortable and it’s ok if that’s too much for some, but from now on, I will respect the other as well as myself by honouring myself, and letting them go the moment we feel it
by Emma | Aug 9, 2019
There is something sacred in being truly seen by another human soul. Having someone seemingly outside of you see your whole as so much more than the sum of your parts, and actually accept you, as you are, as whole and complete, without judgement or an attempt to change you, is the most incredible gift anyone has ever given me.
I hope that I have done the same for others, whether through counselling or romantic relationships, friendships, family, or people I’ve met seemingly randomly.
We all have an opportunity to extend peace and acceptance to someone else, and in doing so, we will be able to receive more peace and acceptance for ourselves.
P.s. I miss Sri Lanka, where I learned the most how to share my soul with others…and sit in the peacefulness of being seen
by Emma | May 12, 2019
One day, she thought, I will get tired of being angry, too tired to keep holding on to the need to be right, and I will let go. I will recognise that all forgiveness is self-forgiveness, and if I’m holding out on them, I’m holding out on myself. I’m tired of holding out on myself. I love myself more than this, don’t I? .
And perhaps then, and only then, she will let herself love so fully, so completely that it doesn’t matter what anyone says, or does, they will always have a home in her, for she is forever theirs, and they hers. Maybe not in this lifetime, maybe not in the world of fearful behaviour, but she will hold them, and love their soul in a way they, and her, never even thought possible.
.
This, she realised, was the only true way to be free, the only true way to love herself, and recognise she was already everything she could possibly desire to be
by Emma | May 5, 2019
What can we hope for, except truth? There is little chance of promises being kept, unless they are promises of change, for we can no more tell if we will always be kind than if the sun will warm our faces that day. Because really, isn’t that all we truly want to know? Will you be kind to me? Will you treat me well? Is my heart safe with you?
And of course, we can never know, because we are all imperfect and the chances are we will forget to be kind one day, and someone will choose to blame our momentary lack of integrity on a fundamental character flaw, destined to be repeated and therefore requiring us to be written off or punished with distance…. Or perhaps, they will instead recognise our imperfections as their opportunities to heal….and allow us both the opportunity for radical honesty and transparency, rather than promises we can only ever hope to keep. Perhaps even, that we will trust ourselves to hold our hearts safely, and that when we open those hearts to others it is done so with the knowledge that whatever happens, our hearts will always be safe, because we put our faith in love, not an imperfect interpretation of who someone else should be
