by Emma | Nov 22, 2019
It always surprised her, how many layers there were. It seemed like a never-ending journey, because it was, and she could understand why so many people chose to live in ignorance of themselves. It seemed so much easier sometimes. To shut her eyes to her many, many ‘imperfections’, her wounds and her triggers, and pretend they belonged to someone else, some environmental reason that caused her upset. If it was something outside of her, someone else’s fault, it was someone else’s problem. She could just remove herself and dampen the feeling of discontent a while longer.
But she didn’t have that luxury anymore. She realised now that everything was on her. Everything was her choice – to choose how to perceive it. To revel in the gift or dispair in the poison. She had that power, and everytime she chose to deny it, she gave her power away: gave her power to the person, or the place, or the job, and put it outside of herself where she couldn’t use it.
She wasn’t doing that anymore. She had allowed herself to breathe into situations, conversations, energy that challenged her every pore….and looked, with curiousity instead of fear, at which patterns she found herself wanting to follow. When she allowed herself to be curious, when she allowed herself the space to feel the patterns instead of fearfully burying them, she gave herself the space to choose differently, to give a voice to what was present, and honour it as part of her, before choosing a different path. This, she realised, was how to change the pattern
by Emma | Nov 20, 2019
She was not alone in her wandering. She wandered, sometimes with purpose, sometimes without, but no longer alone.
She had found within herself an inner strength, a reserve she didn’t know was there, a sense of integrity that was raw and often triggering for those around her. And yet, in this integrity, in this honesty of knowing who she was, in the sharing of all of herself, even when she most feared she would be laughed at, she found comfort, strength and solace.
In this honesty, she also found the people with whom she felt at home, those who chose to love her because of everything she was, those who cherished the moments when she was raw and vulnerable, and honoured the courage it took to share so much of herself.
So, even when the way was unclear, and in the wandering she still sometimes found herself looking for home in a place or a person, she could remind herself of the home within her, of the peace that came from being honest with herself. That was enough
by Emma | Oct 22, 2019
What does your word really mean?
Do you stand by your word? Is it your promise, your bond to follow through and commit, or is it just a fleeting moment of meaningless thought process?
Our words carry weight. They carry the energy of our creation and our sense of self. Who you are is, in part, created by the words you speak into existence and what they mean to you in relation to your actions.
Do your words match your actions? Do your thoughts match your words? If any of these are out of integrity, you will feel the upset in your body, and the response of the people around you.
You create with your words. Using language like “always” and “never”, “good” and “bad”, sets an energetic connection in motion. “Fuck my life” is a popular phrase that makes me want to curl up and cry – why would you want to create the energy of wanting to fuck your life?! Your life is a beautiful gift, even if you’re experiencing temporary moments of suffering.
Choose your words wisely. Please
by Emma | Sep 29, 2019
Following on from my last post, I got told today that I was too much, too intense and required too much effort to be friends with. I nearly gave the guy a big F you but what I actually did was thank him for his honesty, leave, and cry on my friend’s shoulder.
I cried because sometimes, when someone inadvertently stabs at a wound, we question whether we should hold our head up high and be exactly who we are, no apologies….or look deep within ourselves to see if we’re triggered because they’re right, and we really are what they say.
I cried because I have been told many times, in many ways, that I am too much.
And then I cried because I realised that I had handled the situation less than gracefully, and less than I might have wanted.
Instead of being true to myself and speaking out about how I was feeling, I shrunk away and became uncomfortable in my own skin. I made myself small to make someone else feel more comfortable, and in the process, they felt my energy and determined I was too much effort to be friends with.
Being anything less than 100% yourself is a lose lose situation. It makes others just as uncomfortable as you are.
I learned such a valuable lesson today. I learned that, even though I knew it already, I could no longer suffocate myself for the sake of someone else. It just suffocates all of us.
I am a lot. I am intense with a big presence and I talk a lot about feelings and sometimes I get triggered and uncomfortable and it’s ok if that’s too much for some, but from now on, I will respect the other as well as myself by honouring myself, and letting them go the moment we feel it
by Emma | Aug 9, 2019
There is something sacred in being truly seen by another human soul. Having someone seemingly outside of you see your whole as so much more than the sum of your parts, and actually accept you, as you are, as whole and complete, without judgement or an attempt to change you, is the most incredible gift anyone has ever given me.
I hope that I have done the same for others, whether through counselling or romantic relationships, friendships, family, or people I’ve met seemingly randomly.
We all have an opportunity to extend peace and acceptance to someone else, and in doing so, we will be able to receive more peace and acceptance for ourselves.
P.s. I miss Sri Lanka, where I learned the most how to share my soul with others…and sit in the peacefulness of being seen
by Emma | May 30, 2019
A few things have happened the last few weeks (including discovering these filters). I had some moments doubting myself. I questioned if I was helping people enough, or in the ‘right’ way. I noticed how much mirroring goes on in our communities –...
