A few weeks ago I attended a great new event called #HigherSelfie in London. It was organised by two coaches who wanted to create a platform for speakers without the requisite book deal or 100,000 twitter followers to be able to share their message with 200 like-minded spiritual souls.
It was a great day all round with amazing speakers, including Rebecca Campbell, free yoga (with free yoga mats to take away thanks to Lululemon) and yummy wholesome food, but what I really wanted to talk about what was it brought up for me, in the hope that could can perhaps identify with some of it and it can help you on your journey.
I’d submitted a talk for the event, having been called to do so, despite having no interest in being a speaker prior to this. I didn’t get picked (all attendees got 4 stickers when they arrived to vote for who they wanted to see speak, most votes got the stage and a mic) but I had quite a few votes nonetheless. Randomly…or not!…there was another Emma who also had a message about selfishness to share and she did speak, so the message was delivered in another form 🙂
I often go to these sorts of things by myself and kind of end being quite anti-social most of the time. I love connecting with people but when there’s so much energy and self-growth going on in one place I tend to need to turn inwards and withdraw a bit. If you’ve ever been to this sort of conference or a networking event and you’re an introvert you probably know what I mean!
Despite my own tendencies, I immediately met five lovely ladies, all from different walks of life doing different stuff and we had a good chat and a laugh waiting for the first talk. When they found out I’d submitted a talk and asked which one, they all admitted they’d voted for me (I didn’t add my photo to my pitch so they couldn’t tell who I was)!
In this sort of situation, there is a lot of ways our egos can get in the way and try to trip us up. I have to admit, it was great (and weird) that the five girls I ended up chatting to had all voted for me before I’d met them and I started to think maybe I would end up speaking. It wasn’t to be however and I genuinely didn’t feel bad about it. The selfish message was brought forward by someone else and I could chill and enjoy the rest of the day without stressing about getting up on stage.
However, my ego, never one to rest on his laurels, still managed to get in there and I started to feel proud of myself for NOT getting pissed off about not speaking: ‘Look at how enlightened you are’, he said, ‘You’re so much better than all these other people who are secretly bitter about not getting picked.’
You can never win when you try to compete with the ego!
Fortunately, I was able to recognise what was going on and took a step back from it. I forgave myself, and asked to see with love instead of fear; in this case, the fear that I wasn’t good enough and so had to find ways to be better than others.
What #HigherSelfie taught me about myself was somewhat unexpected given what happened: I learned to put myself out there and be open to meeting great people, but also respectful of myself and take time out when I needed it, and that whatever you do, the ego will always try to find a way to bring you back in to a fearful mindset. It is a continuing journey in to the light. Often it feels like you’re always falling backwards but you’ll never quite fall as far back again if you remember that you are on a journey and that somewhere, you’ve already reached the destination. Forgive yourself, and take yourself back to love.