Something on loss:

When we lose someone, or perhaps even a beloved pet, there is often an urge to ‘fill the hole’ left with another person, a new relationship, a new pet. That strategy can seem to work temporarily, but when you put your happiness outside of yourself, you lose all control of it.

I know the temptation is to jump into another relationship, find a new project or get a new pet but if you have not done the healing work to fill that void for yourself, you are offering yourself as only half a person to another, hoping that someone else or something else will come and provide the rest so you feel whole and complete again.

That’s not fair on anyone.

You deserve to feel whole, complete, loved and fulfilled in and of yourself. You deserve relationships which add value to your life and which add up to more than one whole person. Anyone or any thing you choose to bring into your life deserves more than being made responsible for your happiness (a job never successfully outsourced long-term).

The only way to truly heal from loss is to be with the loss and come out the other side. You have to learn how to be happy with yourself first, before you can expect to be truly happy with any one / thing else. There is a big difference between leaning on loved ones and hobbies for support, and depending on someone or something else to fill a void. Find your own way back to your own heart, love freely and fully (yourself and everyone around you) and watch as the love extends rather than contracts.