She made a decision, a long time ago, not to settle. She had lost, felt left behind, and been hurt too many times. She knew that the only way to change this was to choose differently for herself: to choose better. And yet, she repeated the same patterns for many years to come. She choose again, chose better, lost herself, found herself, and chose again. As a pattern, it was tiring, and boring, and all together frustrating as hell, and she also knew that each time she realised she'd lost herself, she was a step closer to staying with herself longer the next time. She chose again, she chose the challenge. She chose to stay, and work, because being afraid of life wasn't something she was willing to accept any longer. So even if it was hard, even if there were tears, even if she had to course-correct another 100 times, she would continue to consciously choose better for herself: to choose love instead of fear