"For sure, you're the commander here. You have the more power. He will follow you, but you have to paddle, and paddle hard if you want to catch the wave." Breathing deeply, as another little piece of my heart pings open and I force myself to hold his gaze and receive everything he's trying to convey in three short sentences. And of course, I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want to paddle. I don't know if it's all a bit too scary. Yet these things I do know: I do know open feels better than closed, and that maybe the walls I built aren't as big as I thought