When we put boundaries in place we’re not saying ‘I reject you’ but instead ‘I reject this version of you which you are currently choosing because I know it’s not the truth of who you are’.

A Course in Miracles teaches that we are not separate, and we should never withhold love from another, because we are only withholding it from ourselves. This might feel a bit confusing when dealing with the self-development staple of boundaries which are supposed to make us stronger and keep us safe.

For me (and this may not be the same for anyone else), I’ve reconciled this with making sure whatever I do, I do my best to do from a place of genuine, unconditional love. That feels really hard sometimes but practising listening to your intuition and leaning into what feels peaceful helps.

If I say to someone, it’s not working for us to be in each others’ lives, it’s not because I am rejecting that person, or even the relationship. I know we are all forever connected. Instead I’m saying that I refuse to tolerate what the current version of the relationship seems to be, because in some way it doesn’t seem peaceful and loving and I know that’s not the truth. I’m not giving up on the relationship, but I’m choosing a different form temporarily in order to help us both see the truth, and see with love.

Whatever happens to the seeming physical form of a relationship (friendship, job, partner, sibling, parent, child), we can always lean into what feels peaceful and trust that this will allow us to see the other person with love and compassion and let go of any thoughts of attack or separation our egos might be encouraging us to hold.

It is safe to let go.