You don’t need to be a Buddhist monk to feel better about the bad stuff.
This week has been one of complete opposites for me – the good, the bad and the ugly. I pondered what to write about today for quite a while before I eventually settled on the concept of acceptance.
This week I had to accept the ending of something so incredibly precious to me, that I won’t be telling you about it here. I normally manage to share my entire life on these virtual pages but this one I’m keeping to myself (this is actually a separate story / lesson I’ll share next week…probably…if I don’t forget).
However, I will tell you that this ending wasn’t a surprise, it was a necessity which, unfortunately, doesn’t actually make things much easier.
Generally, the way I think about stuff (I was totally going to write ‘philosophical paradigm here but realised no-one wants to read that in a story!) is based on a lot of yoga theory, which mindfulness is derived from. You’re welcome to argue that one with me, but in my book, mindfulness is a new name for yoga, without the flexibility requirement.
Anyway, oh yes, yoga and mindfulness. So, remember the old serenity prayer, Grant me the courage to change what I can, accept the things I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference? You need to understand and really get on board with this stuff if you want to find space and clarity in your own mind.
That prayer is great in theory, BUT, there’s a reason why it’s such a famous prayer – it’s fricking hard work to achieve! How the hell do you begin to just ‘accept’ something you hate, on the basis that you can’t change it?
This is a difficult one because it requires a pretty big mind shift on your part, but it is possible. You might not end up like a Buddhist monk on a hilltop but you can at least feel better about what’s going on.
The way I like to start with something like this is to imagine your body as being full of energy (this isn’t hippy dippy stuff people, this is science: your body is actually all energy, now just get a bit visual with me – CLOSE YOUR EYES – open them when you can imagine it).
When something sucky happens, our first instinct tends to be to get sad or angry. At this point we work out if we can do something or not. If we can, we (hopefully) go off and do it, change the situation and feel better. Use a bit of common sense here though; ‘doing something’ means doing something constructive to change the situation, not having the whole bottle of wine to yourself or eating the entire chocolate cake (we’ve all been there – Just. Say. No.).
In my case I knew there was nothing I could do apart from do something really destructive which would make me feel like a horrible person and ultimately wouldn’t help or change the situation, so I had to try to accept it.
So, going back to the energy concept, when you get all upset and angry, all your hard-earned energy gets wasted on either hating someone else or hating yourself or hating a situation. The person you hate probably doesn’t deserve all your lovely energy – why are you donating it to them?
Keep your energy to yourself. Know that whatever happens, you have a stash of energy for you. Force yourself to use it on yourself. This weekend, I would have very much liked to have crawled up in to a teenie tiny ball and waited for another day when things might feel better, but I knew that that would never happen whilst I was putting all my energy in to being sad. So I hauled my ass out of bed and went volunteering, then the gym, then I watched a funny film. By the end of the day I felt a bit better, not because the situation had changed, but because I had realised that I couldn’t change it and used whatever energy I had to make myself feel better.
If you can’t change something, you have to accept it. There is no other option. Everything you do in between the happening and the accepting is a waste of your time and energy and just delays the inevitable. Sometimes you need time to get to acceptance, and that’s fine, but concentrate on getting yourself to a point where you understand this is one element of your life and that nothing is permanent.
As for me, I’m going to Apple to fix my stupid phone and hopefully not have to fork out for a new one (another lesson in acceptance!) and then spend the afternoon with a lovely friend who makes me giggle so much my ass wobbles (which is hard to do as I have a non-existent ass).
Whatever you’re going through right now, it’s transitory, it will pass, you will feel better. If you need help getting past something, why not considering working with me? Hypnotherapy can be really helpful in creating that mind shift I was talking about.
Have an amazeballs week!