by Emma | Dec 7, 2019
She had spent so long trying to find her place, and figure out ‘where’ she fitted in, before she realised that there was no ‘place’ she fitted into. There wasn’t a particular space that could contain her, because the space was a part of her. She had been looking at it backward the whole time, and thinking there was somewhere she could find ‘out there’ or someone, who would make her feel safe, somewhere she felt safe to be herself, when, in reality, she had to do that for herself.
And so, she asked herself each morning:
What can I do today to bring more peace, and love, into my life, and the lives of those around me?
Do the things have planned bring me closer, or further away from who I want to be, and what I want to do?
How can I embody love, and release the blocks to it’s constant presence in me?
by Emma | Dec 3, 2019
She looked back, and looked forward, and realised, once again, that she, and only she, created the narrative of her life.
She could write herself as a victim, a heroine, a lost soul, success, failure, or any other polarity.
She could also reinterpret the past how she chose, and leave the future a blank page. She did not have to be who she wrote herself to be, if she now felt differently.
She could reinvent herself, and rewrite her story as many times as she wanted. All that was required was to challenge the narrative.
What stories are you telling yourself about who you are, what you did, what happened and why? What’s truth, and what’s perception, judgement and interpretation?
by Emma | Nov 26, 2019
She had no tolerance for wasting time anymore: not time spent doing things she disliked, not time in places or with people who didn’t inspire her or make her laugh.
She wasn’t judgemental, just discerning. She had learned over the years what she needed, what boosted her soul and helped her contribute the most to the world.
She often felt she didn’t contribute enough, that she could, and should do more, but she remained kind to herself and trusted the journey she was on was hers, and perfect in its evolution.
So she had no problem saying no, or yes, to whatever she did or didn’t need in her life, changing her mind, honouring her heart and doing what she needed to stay true to her soul. This was the way she stayed in integrity. This was her service. This was her Dharma. .
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Photo credit @tom.pelgrom
by Emma | Nov 24, 2019
‘I like that you talk’. So often I have been told that I talk too much, that I should stop, think before I speak, not say what’s in my heart, hide away the self-sabotaging patterns I’ve worked so hard to shift, basically not bring all of myself to the table, because it’s too much for people to handle.
And then someone says that. ‘I like that you talk.’ It’s not the first time someone’s said it, and it won’t be the last, but it hasn’t been that common in my life up to now. And yet, I’ve persevered, because I felt like I couldn’t breathe when I tried to hide myself from the world. It was suffocating. So instead I got told I scared people away, or was too intense, until the odd person comes along and says, ‘Thank you. You make it easier for me to talk. I know where I stand with you. You say what you mean.’ That’s the most important thing, because, quite honestly, I don’t have time to be second guessing people. If I expect honesty and clarity from other people, if I want someone to tell me what’s going on for them, instead of being passive aggressive or expecting me to mindread, I’d better be willing to walk my talk.
Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Your heart will thank you.
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Photo credit: @loveluella
by Emma | Nov 22, 2019
It always surprised her, how many layers there were. It seemed like a never-ending journey, because it was, and she could understand why so many people chose to live in ignorance of themselves. It seemed so much easier sometimes. To shut her eyes to her many, many ‘imperfections’, her wounds and her triggers, and pretend they belonged to someone else, some environmental reason that caused her upset. If it was something outside of her, someone else’s fault, it was someone else’s problem. She could just remove herself and dampen the feeling of discontent a while longer.
But she didn’t have that luxury anymore. She realised now that everything was on her. Everything was her choice – to choose how to perceive it. To revel in the gift or dispair in the poison. She had that power, and everytime she chose to deny it, she gave her power away: gave her power to the person, or the place, or the job, and put it outside of herself where she couldn’t use it.
She wasn’t doing that anymore. She had allowed herself to breathe into situations, conversations, energy that challenged her every pore….and looked, with curiousity instead of fear, at which patterns she found herself wanting to follow. When she allowed herself to be curious, when she allowed herself the space to feel the patterns instead of fearfully burying them, she gave herself the space to choose differently, to give a voice to what was present, and honour it as part of her, before choosing a different path. This, she realised, was how to change the pattern
by Emma | Nov 20, 2019
She was not alone in her wandering. She wandered, sometimes with purpose, sometimes without, but no longer alone.
She had found within herself an inner strength, a reserve she didn’t know was there, a sense of integrity that was raw and often triggering for those around her. And yet, in this integrity, in this honesty of knowing who she was, in the sharing of all of herself, even when she most feared she would be laughed at, she found comfort, strength and solace.
In this honesty, she also found the people with whom she felt at home, those who chose to love her because of everything she was, those who cherished the moments when she was raw and vulnerable, and honoured the courage it took to share so much of herself.
So, even when the way was unclear, and in the wandering she still sometimes found herself looking for home in a place or a person, she could remind herself of the home within her, of the peace that came from being honest with herself. That was enough
