Healing miracles

There’s a couple of miraculous moments that happen in a healing process, when you know all the tears, all the frustration, blame, guilt and shame, and all the work you’ve been doing to heal them are finally starting to make a difference.

The first is when you notice that there’s been a period of time in the day, maybe just a moment, but maybe more, when you realise that you’re brain hasn’t been fighting with itself in the background to keep you present (thanks @tesscreaghbarry for recommending Taylor Swift’s ‘I forgot that you existed’ to encapsulate this feeling!). For perhaps the briefest of moments, what happened or didn’t happen, that person or situation just wasn’t lurking in the back of your mind. You were free again. Once that happens once, those moments grow and extend until they become normal.

The second is when (and this applies more to a person than a situation) you realise that maybe that person is happy, and you genuinely want that for them. Not because you’re trying to convince yourself it’s the way to healing or to reassure yourself that you’re a good person for wishing them well, but because you genuinely want them to be happy. That whatever happened, if they are really happy now, then maybe they won’t do what they did again. Maybe they’ll have done some healing and growing of their own. Maybe they’ll share that happiness and that love around and make the world a better place, and not hurt anyone else the way they hurt you. Suddenly a thought will come in: wherever they are right now, whoever they’re with, whatever they’re doing, I sincerely hope that they’re happy, that they’re healing, and that they feel loved. And you feel free again.

Wherever you’re at in your process, trust that the effort you’re putting in, the healing you’re doing, the darkness you’re bringing to the light is worth it. Bring every unloving thought to the light in your heart (or a good friend / listener / therapist) with a willingness to heal and experience a miracle and it will happen. That miracle may not look like what you expect, but you’ll know you received it because of how you feel. You will feel free.