I’m going to be super honest and vulnerable now, and hope that those reading this understand that I’m human too. I’m having a really hard time with acceptance right now. Most people who know me would describe me as the most forgiving, ‘nice’ person they know. I like to think that I am. I have forgiven everyone for anything they’ve ever done to wrong me, because I know that it wasn’t really them. I know that everyone is ultimately good. People act from a place of fear sometimes and do hurtful things, but I recognise that fear and do my very best to love them in response.
I know, I sound like a fricking Saint right?! I’m not, at all, and sometimes all this seeing past hurtful behaviour is REALLY REALLY FRICKING HARD. Like this week: this week I have to accept that someone I genuinely care about is just not capable of honesty, with anyone. I’ve forgiven, as I always do, but the acceptance step I’m finding hard right now. I realised that I’m finding it hard because I’m trying to understand someone else’s insane actions from my sane and loving mind. Coming from a place of love is all well and good but when the other person is coming from a place of fear it can be really hard to try to understand why they do what they do.
When someone hurts you, lies to you or generally disrespects you (or anyone else for that matter), remember that they are in fear mode. They may not realise it. They may not feel ‘afraid’, but the only reason for anyone to be anything other than loving is fear: fear of being rejected, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved, fear of being hurt. It’s all fear.
Remember that if you come from a loving perspective, they may not understand you either, and want to be defensive or accuse you of something else. Let them. It’s their fear, not yours. The only thing to ever do is to keep loving.
One way I’ve found to do this, which will, I’m sure, lead me to acceptance very soon (I started this post a day or two ago and already feel better, and I’m sure by the time it’s posted on Sunday I’ll be there), is to have compassion for whoever it is who tried to share their fear with you. Forget reasoning why they did what they did and instead see it more simply: see the person as a small scared child, terrified of not being loved, kicking and screaming and playing up because they don’t know how to ask for what they need and let themselves be loved. You’ve seen that right?! The hurt kid who’s crying and punching his mum or dad who’s trying desperately to console him?! Keep that in your mind with whoever wronged you. Let your heart send that child love, and eventually, the acceptance will come.
