I wondered what I’d tell him, if I saw him again today.
I hope I’d look him in his annoyingly blue eyes, like I really didn’t care, and casually tell him that I didn’t know what I wanted my life to look like in five years time;
I’d tell him that I didn’t know if I wanted to stay in the same job or grow my business;
that I didn’t know if I wanted to live in London or Wales with my family or Liverpool where I called home for so long;
that I didn’t know if I wanted to live abroad again and teach yoga on a beach in Thailand, or whether I’d be content seeing Machu Picchu in my holidays
…and I wanted to tell him that none of that mattered, because I was focused on enjoying what life had to offer me now.
And that made me think. Am I?!
That had always intimidated me on some level. Not a great quality in a potential boyfriend. Probably best he never lasted.
How dare he question my handle on my life; of what I was doing and where I was going?
But then, perhaps he didn’t. Perhaps he asked me, and it scared me that I didn’t have all the answers.
Now of course, because isn’t hindsight just a bitch, I realise that I didn’t have all the answers then, and I don’t have them all now. I don’t want them. Life would be super boring if it was already all mapped out.
All that really matters, is that right now, in this moment, you’re having fun; that there’s something in your life which is making you smile. The rest fades away to distant memories.