Relationship: it’s such a loaded word. We covet them. We fear them. We want a them to be ‘good’, and not ‘bad’. We search for them and then run away from them, all with the same underlying longing to love, and to be loved; to be a part of something bigger than ourselves, to grow and to be grown.

I looked at my bio the other day and was trying to work out whether I still liked it or not. It talks about my helping you create loving relationships without losing yourself in the process. I started to wonder if that was really an accurate description of what I did.
The truth is, I think we narrow down and limit our definition of relationship to such a small part of our existence and our interactions. We are in relationship to everything; every single living being; to it all: ALL. THE. TIME.

We tend to think about relationships as just the romantic ones. Just wanting one ‘good’ or ‘successful’ relationship. What about the relationship with your friends, parents, siblings, exes, bus driver, doctor or YOURSELF? What even is a ‘good’ relationship? One without drama? One that never triggers you? One that makes you happy?

What about the messy relationships? The ones that make you scream with frustration and cry ugly tears? Are they worthless? Some of my greatest growth has come from thinking I’ve got my heart broken, from being cheated on, abused, ignored and betrayed. It’s come from me acting out, trying to get the attention I thought I deserved, being sneaky or passive-aggressive or sometimes just downright mean.

Would I have wanted these patterns and relationships to continue forever? No. Absolutely not. But it doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for all of them. Every trigger, every tear, every heart-wide-open smile, every flutter of initial attraction, of conscious connection with another human being….it’s a blessing.

I’ve learned to be a lot more honest, a lot more straight-forward, a lot more in my truth, and a lot more respectful of myself and others in my relationships now. I still get triggered, wounds still come up to be healed, but in those moments I love that person all the more for allowing me the opportunity to grow. It feels a lot easier. A lot more peaceful. A lot happier.

I want that for us all. For all the women out there who’ve struggled and pattern-repeated and just want to find a way to have their relationships support them instead of having to fight for them, whatever your ‘official status’. This is your cue: message me or check out 

Photo taken at: Marinedda Bay

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