Guilt and shame are two words that make me die a little inside every time I hear them. I pride myself on my honesty, my integrity, and my loving intention. I do my very best to be objective, kind and loving. It doesn’t always work and sometimes I ‘see my arse’ (that’s Northern English for getting annoyed) and take action from a place of fear instead of love, but thankfully these moments are getting further and further apart as I continue my spiritual journey, and I’m able to see them pretty quickly and get myself back to a loving place in the meantime.

The thing I struggle with, is taking on other peoples’ guilt, shame and general cr&p, just because they don’t seem to want it. It’s like that game of hot potato you used to play when you were a kid…’Oh, this shame feels rubbish, I’ll chuck it at Emma because I don’t want it’…and I (very often in the past), happily and like a complete idiot, picked the shame up like, ‘Well thank you very much – that’s great, I’ll hold on to that for you, don’t worry.’

Well – no more people! That game is well and truly done!!

I recently had to face a few inner demons of my own, and for some reason this triggered a couple of people close to me. Stuff came up for them and, because they didn’t want to deal with it, they projected it all over me like a baby projectile vomiting it’s first solid meal.

For a couple of weeks I did what I’ve done in the past – accepted it, took it all on board and tried to shoulder their pain as well as my own. I was going through my own stuff, but it was my fault anyway, right?! With every harsh word uttered in my direction, with every look that told me it would be better if I wasn’t around, my heart broke a little bit more on top of what it was already dealing with. I reached a point where I broke down and spent pretty much an entire day balling my eyes out.

It’s scary for me to say that on here. It’s public after all, something I often forget. I think that I’m speaking to you: my clients and potential clients and people who’ve followed my stories and grown with my lessons over the years, but actually, anybody could read this, but that’s OK too. It’s OK because this is my journey, my feelings, my story and my life. I’m learning lessons here. I’m growing every day. I’m so far from perfect that I get scared sometimes at how much more growing I’ll have to do before I die, but if the growing sense of peace I have right now is anything to go by, it will be so unbelievably worth it.

Crying-gate (as it will now be known), was a real turning point for me. I knew I couldn’t look after everyone else as well as myself, but that’s exactly what I’d been trying to do for weeks. I meditated, I healed, I released more tears….then I set my intention for a loving resolution and sat down to talk things through, somehow peaceful and buoyed in the knowledge that these issues, were not my issues. I was giving them back in the most loving way possible, owning my feelings, stating clearly what I needed and asking what they needed to move forward. It didn’t really matter what they said, or if they wanted to take back their issues, the important thing in all this was that I took responsibility for myself, and put any unnecessary baggage that wasn’t mine, back on the table, ready for whoever might want to pick it up.

Guilt and shame are hard emotions to bear, even when they’re your own – please don’t take on other peoples’ as well. Take stock of what you feel bad about and why. Is it really your stuff, or has someone handed over their guilt and shame because they didn’t want to deal with it? Journalling or writing a letter to the person (even if you don’t send it) is a really good way of letting go of this responsibility if you can’t (or don’t want to) face them with it, but if you can face them, remember to do it from a loving place. This isn’t about blame, it’s about clearing out the rubbish and making room for love. They might not take responsibility for their part in any of this. That’s OK. You’re on your own journey. It doesn’t mean you need to carry it for them.

Take care of yourself lovely, you deserve it x