Today I wrote two messages to people who have really triggered me this week. I wrote to them and thanked them for showing up the way they have in my life, because I know (now) what a gift it is and how being triggered by them showed me what I needed to let go of, and what I needed to integrate fully into my life.
This was the card I pulled for myself this morning (judgement). It still surprises me how spot on the deck can be. The thing is, I’d spent quite a bit of time judging these women. I knew I was being triggered, but instead of seeing WHY, all I could see was judgement, and superiority. I saw myself as better than them, and thought that they saw themselves as better than me and got all kinds of bent out of shape about it.
The truth is, they were just doing them. They probably had no idea I was being triggered and didn’t care, in the sense that they were showing up, as true and honest versions of themselves, and weren’t about to apologise for it. Because, honestly, how can you apologise for being yourself? What would that even look like? What is there to apologise FOR?
The last couple of days I’ve feel less than 100%. Super tired, achy, headachy and clumsy (literally walking into things and dropping things left, right and centre). Whilst I could put this down to my moon time, or a bug, I have a feeling it’s more an energetic shift for me as I start to integrate a deeper understanding and embodiment of what it means for us all to be connected. That when I judge another, I judge myself. That the other person really IS me, and I am them, we’re just showing up in different ways. Someone showing up fully and unapologetically is a trigger for someone who is still, on some level, holding themselves back (that’ll be me). The more I integrate, the more of me you’ll see. Of this I am sure. I have no idea who’ll receive me and who won’t, and I have to be ready for that. And I trust that as I’m navigating all of this, I’ll be supported by the people who trigger me, the people who love me, the people I serve, the people who think I’m crazy and all the others in between. You are all such a gift to me <3